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Archived Stories Laughing in the Garden Gardening Tales From Our Readers Just who is a gardener? What to do with Zucchini? There's a lot of it now. Articles from our site visitors Drunken Squirrels - Dennis S. PA

The arbor in our back yard with Goldflame Honeysuckle in it's glory.

Just who is a gardener?

Why does anyone become a gardener? I use the general term ‘gardener’ for anyone who enjoys working with plants, whether they are shrubs, flowers or vegetables, whether they are a professional horticulturalist, a master gardener or just a regular, person who happens to enjoy plants and isn’t that addicted yet. Everyone has their own reasons to work with plants, some find a contentment and a sense of accomplishment in watching and making things grow, some find it relaxing, an outlet from life’s little stresses, after all plants don’t talk back, at least not in a verbal way.

Gardening can be a calming experience, peaceful, artistic, non judgmental. Working with your plants can calm your soul from life's little stresses. Just imagine that you’ve spent all day at your job, deadlines to meet, people to deal with all day long. Maybe the boss was on your case or maybe you are the boss and were on someone else's case. No wonder people can't wait to get home and into their gardening mode. Maybe the children were carrying on all day or maybe you had a nice quiet day (gardening) and the children will be home soon, better relax with that garden while you can. Gardening can be gentile or very physical, soothing or intense, it is great therapy that doesn’t cost $95.00 an hour.

Our tastes may change, we may change our interests in different species , for a while we may be into dwarf conifers and evergreens and all of a sudden --- we’re collecting hostas, there must a thousand varieties but you've gotta have lots of shade, and just when you run out of shady spots --- next thing you know -- you're back in the sun, collecting daylilies; you’ve got to have every kind of daylily on the market, and there must be several thousand varieties of these. There is no end, it is an endless hobby, there are so many kinds and colors of plants to be interested.

Why does anyone become a gardener? Just because they want to and because they enjoy it and they want to try new things and because it satisfies the mind, body and soul. You become a gardener because it allows you to bend up and down a lot (good exercise - oops another reason) it lets you be like a kid again, searching for bugs, getting your hands and knees down in the soil, dirt in your shoes, under your nails, mud in your house and don’t forget it also brings you veggies on your table, flowers in the vase and fruit on the trees, there’s just a whole bunch of good stuff that comes from gardening.

Who is not a gardener? Well… anyone who doesn’t want to spend time with their plants. We will all forgive anyone who is not a gardener, surely it is not for everyone, if you don’t enjoy it, it is just work to be done. The classic example of a non-gardening husband (and I know a few of these) is the guy who mows his lawn each week and mows over all the flowers that his wife just carefully planted out, unless they are protected by fence or concrete or planted where the mower can’t reach - they’re goners. This guy is not a gardener and he is not a very good lawn mower either but hopefully he’s a good husband.

Folks who are not gardeners buy their flowers at the florist shop, their fruits and vegetables from the grocery store and hire professionals to take care of their yards. It’s OK, after all farmers need customers for their crops and all the landscape companies need the work, where would they be without the non-gardening public. Maybe all those non-gardeners have a houseplant that they love and nurture, if so, then that gardening thing has even crept into their lives. It’s insidious it will get us all, even when we don’t know it!

Gardeners come in all shapes, sizes and sexes, from the very young to the very old. It is a pastime with no boundaries, no limitations and no experience required, you can become casually enthused or deeply involved, the choice is yours. All you need to do is nurture one plant (inside or out) - one plant, one yard, one acre - you get to choose your own level of involvement. That is what makes gardening great!

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Drunken Squirrels
           Dennis Shafer, PA

At the top of my garden, there's a Black Gum tree with two trunks splayed apart like the letter 'V'. Forty years ago, when it was considerably smaller, we, as kids, used to climb up into the topmost branches. Now at about seventy feet, its a little too much for me to tackle these days. Like all Black Gum trees, it produces large amounts of small, deep-purple, bitter fruits.
The bitterness doesn't seem to dissuade the squirrels and blue jays as they squawk and chatter at one another in competition for these delicacies. I was watching the action one sunny day when a squirrel came crashing down through the branches and hit the ground with a sodden thud. I was struck with an insatiable curiosity as to what happened to that squirrel.
Searching through the residual plants and weeds, I discovered the creature still breathing and seeming to be alive. I decided to leave it alone and go about my business for a while and return to see what would happen to the squirrel. As I worked at cutting down some weeds, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and I watched that squirrel get up and race back up the tree trunk.

Satiated with a kind of relief, I forgot about the incident when I heard that all too familiar crashing and thudding sound again. Another squirrel had fallen out of the tree and seemed to be unconscious! I could tell that it wasn't the same one as this one was obviously smaller. This routine was repeated time and time again as the day wore on.

As years went on, this phenomenon was repeated over and over and I was totally baffled as to the reason. I repeated my tale to many people and none of them had ever heard of such a thing. More or less forgetting about the strange events as years and occupations took up most of my time, I was reading a random periodical and uncovered the solution!

It seems that Black Gum trees, along with several other varieties of fruit-bearing plants have in their fruit a chemical that intoxicates the animals that feed upon it. What was happening was that the squirrels were literally getting drunk and passing out! I guess every species has their 'watering holes' where they go to feel a little giddy!

Now when I see a squirrel plummet out of that tree, I just laugh and wonder if they have a hangover the next morning.

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